Okay, been several days since I updated, so here goes nothing.

Jeremy and I are pretttttty much dating at this point. We've hung out pretty much every day for the past week or so, I guess, mostly in the evenings - he attempts to get work done on his paper during the day. I feel a little bad, because he's behind on his work, but he also said a few days ago that he thinks I'm good for him. Rather, what he said was "You're a positive influence. Crap. Now I can't focus just on negative things." Oh, the charmer. :P

Unfortunately, he's got a LOT of work to do right now, so I won't get to see him at all for a few days.

He's also asked that I not put a whole bunch of stuff about him online - privacy (and paranoia?) so I'll have to start keeping my blog entries that include things about him to a minimum. I can understand him wanting privacy, though, so it's no big deal. Suffice it to say he is awesome, and I am happy.

Anyway, on to other subjects...

Michael is a big ball of awkward/confusion.

A week or so ago, Michael decided to tell me he still likes me, and that he wanted to continue to be friends, and sort of build on that. That's whatever. He's a great friend, and I do still enjoy being his friend. No reason to no keep the friendship strong, if that's what we both want.

Then, last night, he decided to tell me he wants to date me. That he cares about me, and he wants to see where we can go.

That's great and all, but shouldn't he have figured this out... I dunno... before he dumped me?

I really cared about him - I still do. But I fell pretty hard. And he continually told me that he wanted to date "casually" - that he liked me and had feelings for me, but he didn't see us working out in the long run, etc etc, so this was just for now. And I continued to wait, and hope. And I thought maybe if I waited long enough and hoped hard enough, he'd see how much I cared, and that that might mean something to him. But he continued his train of "I don't see us going anywhere," right up to the point where he dumped me.

Now he wants to date me, and he wants to date me for "the right reasons." Not just because he thinks I'm pretty, or fun to hang out with, but because he "really, really likes" me, and "cares" and "wants to see where this could go."

...Really now? I mean, if he's sobering up to the idea of getting into a serious relationship, good for him. It's about time he grew up. But I repeat: this is the sort of decision he should have come to before he broke up with me.

I pointed out all the times he said he didn't see us going anywhere, or that we were "too different", etc. Apparently he was "wrong," and the fact that we don't see eye to eye on everything is "good," and he was using it "as an excuse not to get attached." Fat lot of good that did him.

He doesn't get to expect me to go with his opinions every time they change with the wind. He needs to think long and hard about what he wants, and about how much effort he's willing to go through for it. I really fell for him, and I still care about him a lot. But if he's going to play games (intentionally or not) by being super indecisive, he can do it with someone else. I'm over being hurt, and I want to be treated like I matter.

Jeremy treats me like I matter. He's been very clear from the beginning he doesn't want something "casual," that he genuinely wants to see where things can go. There's been no wishy-washy back and forth from him. Even if I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that Michael was completely serious, I'd still prefer Jeremy. And even if Jeremy were not in the picture, I don't think I'd date him, not straight away. Not to be mean, or anything of the sort, but because he needs to learn it's not all about how he feels at any given moment. Other people's feelings count, too, and if he likes them now, and does want something serious, it'll be worth waiting for, though I half expect him to just give up and go to the next girl who shows interest. But I'm not giving him much credit, perhaps he'll show he does give a damn. Just because he decides he likes me after all, doesn't mean I still want him. Maybe he'll learn to appreciate women more when he realises they aren't going to wait around on him.

/endrant.

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1. It's been.... 5ish days since I've posted an update on my scarf. I've fallen a little behind, but I have made a LOT of progress, all things considered. I'll have less time for knitting, what with my new job and everything (and working crazy hours. I go in tonight and I'll be there until 03:00, probably), but I'll try and keep updating.

It's almost long enough to wear as a regular sized scarf, I'm pretty excited. :)



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2. Day Before Yesterday:

I think I got him to admit that he likes me. XD So, I was hanging out at Tbones (coffee/record shop) with him, and we hung out for 2ish hours before I went "oh crap, I have to get ready for work!" and he went "oh crap, I have to get work finished!" So we hang out, and it's fun and everything, then I get home.

Now, I had been telling Jeremy about roommate drama – about how my roommate likes me, and has for a while, and the past month he's been weird about it, and specifically the past week he's been super crazy dramatic about it. Anyway, when I got home, Virgil had basically left me an eviction notice, because he needs me out for his own sanity, because having me around is too stressful, or whatever. We had gotten into a fight about it the other night... so I texted Jeremy and I was like "apparently last night's fight was too much for him, cos now he wants me to move out." And literally, within 10-20 minutes of me telling him that, he had sent me an email with a bunch of potential housing options from craigslist, that he had COLOUR CODED by most likeable.

I told him he was really sweet and he goes "don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to maintain." XD

So we're texting, and I got to work, and he says he's going to call it an early night; then a half hour to an hour later his cat wakes him up, so he just decides to stay up, and he stays up and texts me the entire time I'm up. xD

We were joking around, from when I called him sweet, and he was all "I'm a cold, heartless bastard..."

"Too late. You did a nice thing. I know better."

"Crap."

"You can't come to the aid of damsels in distress without suffering the consequences."

"All I did was use the internet. If a dragon comes for you, I'm running :-) " Then he went on in this “Oh, Mr. Dragon, yes, I do have more women for you to eat, if you share that gold. There's this dance class..." and I go "you greedy, selfish bastard..."

"That's the nicest thing any woman has ever said to me. I'm all aflutter."

"Have I completely stolen your heart yet?"

"I do like the abuse."

It just sort of continued in that manner for most of the evening.

And thennnnn I said something at the end of the night about him being really nice, and he goes "I prefer you to think of me as an ass, then I only have room to improve..."

"Way to be an under achiever."

And heeeeeeeeeee goes "In work I overachieve. My social life these last several years has been pretty lame. And the only woman I have found interesting is young as heck. Give me a break for being defensive.”

So now I'm all aflutter because he's gone and said he finds me interesting, though what exactly he means by that, I'm not totally sure. I think/hope (mostly hope) it means he likes me and maybe wants to go on a date or something.

Oh, and then later, just before I was about to go to sleep, he adds "despite Petra having sucked, I'm glad I went there." :3

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3. Maybe Date?

Yesterday, he went to Mass with me (sort of, we didn't sit together. But he's also Catholic, so I invited him to the church downtown cos he had never been, and I got there early, like I generally do to things, so I was very near the front whenever he came in). He's expressed interest in getting involved in church again, but he doesn't like how contemporary St. Thomas is, but Sacred Heart (which is downtown) has a little bit of an older style to it.

We went to get coffee after Mass... We were in the coffee shop for... I dunno, twentyish minutes, when he decided he had too much energy, so we should go on a walk, but he didn't really know where he wanted to go, so he made me lead the way. xD So we walked around campus. It started raining, but we were having too much fun, so we essentially said "screw it" and decided to keep walking/having fun in the rain. We climbed this huge awesome tree on campus, and there's the really neat fountain on campus, so I told him we had to go there, so we did, and I climbed in. He was a little reluctant - he's never played in a fountain before! - but he ended up following me in. And we splashed around and played in it for a while, which was super fun.

Then we hiked over to get food, and it started raining again when we were walking back to the coffee shop (where our cars were parked). We ended up hanging out (not counting Mass) for the better part of three hours, and it was so, so much fun.

A few of my friends say based on what I said, it essentially counts as a date, but I'm not totally sure. We have plans to hang out again later this week, and I'm trying to cajole him into visiting me at work tonight. :P We'll see how that goes.

Oh! And when we parted ways, he gave me a hug. ^^ He's never done that before. Tee hee hee.

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1. I am so embarrassed. SO EMBARRASSED.

The guy I was talking about in my blog the other day? He totally found and read my entry (I understand, you post it on the internet and it becomes fair game, but I don't have any links to nutang on my facebook, so I'm not sure where he linked it from).

And you know what he comments to me on facebook? "I don't skitter. I walk fast everywhere."

...okay, so that in and of itself is amusing. But obviously he must have read the whole entry, since the "skittering" bit if more near the end. So I'm sure he knows I have a thing for him... but he didn't comment on any of that. Now I don't know what to think at all.

Does he think it's pretentious that I think maybe he has a thing for me? Does he think I'm just stupidly off base and reading into things that aren't there? Did he ignore it because it's true? Gah! There are so many silly, stupid, worrisome ways to interpret such a little amount of uncertainty.

He did kinda spazz and go "I'm so sorry, I invaded your privacy... look, it never happened, I'll never read your blog, okay?" and more or less dropped it from there.

I just don't know what to think. I feel like he should have corrected or confirmed me, one way or the other.

Carol thinks he likes me, because he brought up my blog but didn't bother to bring up the pertinent stuff about him. So obviously he is not put off by it (so she says).

It's just really embarrassing and awkward on my part. I'm pretty sure I've turned 12 shades of red.

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2. That being said, I did still end up talking to him till 3ish in the morning (sleep! why have you abandoned me?!), and I went dancing with him again tonight. It was really fun. I'm not terribly comfortable in big crowds, so I kind of went into shy/reserved mode, a bit. But I danced with a few people, mostly with him though, and it was pretty fun (even though half the time I had no idea what I was doing, haha). And I think maybe it's good for my shy-ness. A few more events like this and I'll have a lot less trouble getting up and going for it.

After the dancing was over, he and I went to go get food (sandwiches, yum!) and sat and talked for a bit. I think he finds me slightly hilarious, because I'm very into dark/depressing things when it comes to books, movies, etc, but I'm pretty much a physical ray of sunshine. He seemed greatly amused by this, ha. He's got a pretty dark sense of humour too, which I think has a lot to do with why I seem to get along with him so well. I find it very easy to talk to him. He's a lot of fun to be around. And surprisingly, I didn't find it very awkward at all to be around him - I was sure it would be traumatic for me, given point 1 from earlier.

Now, all that being said as well, I'm pondering making a very bold (and potentially stupid) move. He's already read my previous blog entry, so he's got to know I find him pretty awesome (and attractive... and funny... and smart... and I'm gonna stop now, haha). Point is, he pretty much knows I like him at this point. And he didn't bring it up properly, when he made his silly remark, and true to his word after he realised I was unhappy with his remark, he never brought it up again. Nevertheless, he's aware. So it's not like I have a whole lot to lose at this point. I'm seriously debating whether or not I should just go up to him one day and say something to the effect of "You probably already know I like you. And I know you're really busy with graduate stuff at the moment, but in a month when you're done with that and you have more free time... would you be interested in going on a date?"

For me, it's insanely blunt and bold. Initiating has never been my strong point. I dunno that I've got the guts to follow through with it, but I'm debating giving it a shot. Thoughts?

3. I'm a day and a half behind on my knitting. I will catch up tomorrow and post pictures!

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1. I got a new job! I was working at the God-awful restaurant called Petra, in May. That lasted about a month. They treat all of their employees horrendously, like we're dirt or something. Waitresses don't get to keep their tips. I was told repeatedly to directly lie to various customers, including jacking up the prices at our hookah bar when I thought I could get away with it. Mostly it was them taking away my hard-earned tips that I had a problem with, though I got into a lot of trouble when I refused to lie to the customers and tell them I got to keep my tips. I essentially got fired for that. Heh.

Well, insert a few months of joblessness, and application after application that just never panned out, and I got a call back yesterday! I put in the application on Monday, and yesterday I came in for an interview, and the owner offered me a job on the spot! So now I'm The Martini Spot's newest bartender-in-training/waitress, and I start tonight! I'm super excited!

2. I met a guy, and I think maybe he's interested in me.

Yeah yeah, I know, it's only been, what? 11ish days since I got dumped. And I'm still not over it. I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now, but going on dates could be fun, and make it easier. If that makes any sense.

Back when I worked at Petra, I waited on this guy a few times, and later ran into him at Tbones (which is this cafe/record shop). We struck up a conversation, which basically consisted of "Oh hey, you're that waitress --" "Yeah, I remember waiting on you before, how's it going?" etc etc (in which I proceeded to tell him what a horrible establishment Petra is, and how they treat all the employees there like we're worthless). I ran into him a time or two again, and one day, (like, maybe a few days before I got fired) I was leaving my shift from Petra, and he was walking to Petra (I think to find me, cos he left RIGHT after he talked to me).

"Hey, how's it going? So, I know this is kind of out of nowhere, but... you wouldn't happen to like ballroom dancing, would you?"

"...As a matter of fact, yeah, I do."

"Oh, cool! Well, there's this thing Friday, if you're interested. I need a new dance partner, and I was wondering if you'd be interested in going dancing with me."

"Neat, sure, maybe, if I don't have to work. I'll let you know though, thanks for inviting me!"

"Great! Maybe I'll see you there. Well, I have to go back to work. **skitters off in a hurry**"

I ended up not being able to go, for whatever reason ( really can't remember what happened, probably I was broke and needed to conserve gas in my car haha). Anyway, bumped into him a few more times at Tbones... Conversation struck up, never for very long; he's a grad student and finishing his Ph.D and is in /SUPERBUSY mode - side note, he's got to be at least 29 or so, working on his Ph.D. His hair is salt and peppery, but it's kinda cute in that geeky way. He invited me out a few more times, and I ended up going to a dance class and meeting him there Tuesday. XD

So I went to the dance class. Well, it was fun. I think I'll go back. He's clearly a much more experienced dancer. For whatever reason, despite knowing I'm pretty much a beginner through and through, he's really interested in me being his dance partner.

I kinda think he's flirting with me, but my flirt-dar is all askew for some reason.

Then later that night, I was on facebook, and so was he, and we'd been texting, so we just continued the convo on fb, and somehow ended up talking until four in the morning. Four in the freaking morning (insert me being totally frazzed the next day, and only God knows what condition he was in, since he had a big meeting to go to in the morning).

A few times when talking to him online, when he's invited me out, he's quickly added "not hitting on you, I promise!" but my roommate says that's just what nice guys say, so they can hit on you later, haha. My other friend agrees. She says the fact that he jumps to add it means he's clearly thinking about it.

Even though he keeps inviting me out to dance and stuff, I feel like I scare him away from the record shop sometimes... cos he'll be camped out at a table, with his sciencey work-stuff, and I'll come in, he'll see me, wander over, sit down, we'll chat... then he'll abruptly go "well, I have to go so I can finish this work, I'll see you later" ...and instead of going back to his table he leaves altogether.

My friend says it means I'm distracting, haha, which I guess is a good thing (as far as gauging his interest, if not so good for his work haha).

I hope I'm not bugging him. He usually comes over to me, so if I bug him, it'd make more sense for him to just not come over.

He's pretty nice, I enjoy talking to him. I haven't known him all that long, so I guess the thing to do is keep talking to him and go dancing with him, and see what happens. He invited me dancing again on Friday, so I'm gonna go.

Oh! I texted him when I got my new job, and he sent me back an obligatory "Awesome, congrats"-esque text, then he kinda went "oh crap!" and goes "Wait, so does this mean you have to work Friday?" Apparently he's really looking forward to . I'm going to put in my tax info tonight and all that. I'm going to try and swing not having to come in on Friday, since I'd made these plans before I got hired. He said that would make him happy.

Okay, end random girly things.

I will update you all with my scarf later this evening. :) Also, I am making broccoli and cheese soup from scratch for dinner.

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Yay, my Doctor Who scarf is getting long enough that it almost looks like a legitimate scarf. :)
Day 4.



I went dancing last night. Ballroom dancing, I mean. T'was fun. Walz, salsa, and hustle. ^_^

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Today's food menu is spinach, mushroom, and broccoli quiche.

Scarfing so far:



Not quite done knitting for the day, but I'm about to go dancing and I wanted to post a picture before I left.

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Well, first all, here's what I got done on day two of my magnificent scarf project:



Also, I made minestrone soup.

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Second of all, people REALLY piss me off.

Presently, I'm unemployed. So is a certain friend of mine (whose real name I will not disclose here, in case he reads it. Though you know who you are. D:< ), we'll call him Herbert. Herbert is also jobless. Now, even though I've been struggling with unemployment, I've still done everything I could to help him find a job, too. I've made suggestion after suggestion, and he's shot a ton of them down. See, Herbert ONLY wants to work a job waiting tables, so he can get tips on top of his wage. Heaven forbid he work a normal minimum wage job like everyone else. Anyway, Herbert is starting to get at the end of his rope.

Tonight, I went to the Martini Spot for some booze and stand up comedy. I inquire as to whether or not they're hiring and learn that yes, they will soon have an open position. I fill out my application, list three wonderful people as references, etc, and hand my application in. Awesome. Herbert sees that I have an application and gripes that I didn't tell him they're hiring. Because it's my job or something to be his personal employment agent, apparently. Never mind that he shoots down half my suggestions anyway. So he snags an application, then, only having two references proceeds to chat up the waitress, JUST so he can flirt with her until she agrees to let him list her as a reference. Never mind that he just met her. What a jerk. How low do you have to stoop to not only cheat, but throw your own friend under the bus, when that friend has spent countless hours scouring places with "now hiring" signs for you? How the HELL do you justify that?

If he gets the job because of that, I swear I'm going to beat him to a pulp. Apparently being a good person gets you NOWHERE.

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So, today I start two totally separate projects.

1. A Stitch a Day Keeps the Doctor Away.

Well, I certainly hope not! I'm making a Doctor Who scarf! Well, I'm going to try to, anyway. It won't be exact, but I definitely want to base it off of the scarf Tom Baker wears.



I plan to use 7 or 8 colours; brown, burgundy/red, grey, beige, green, yellow, purple, and potentially blue. I'm not so concerned with it being perfect that I'm going to analyse Tom Baker's scarf too closely. I'm going to interchange them as I please. I do plan to make it 15 feet long though!

I plan to try and knit a minimum of 6 inches a day (I'm very new to knitting, so I go rather slow - I'll be a master speed knitter by the time I'm done though, I'm sure!). I'm giving myself 30 days to complete it (though honestly I won't need it for another 2 or 3 months, but I'd like to be able to work on other projects as well to improve my knitting). I'll upload pictures of my progress.

Today is the first day of said project, and I have approximately 6 inches done. I've started out with brown, and I'm about to change out for red. I'll do that after I finish this entry, though. Well, here's a picture, so you can see for yourself.

2. Two Weeks of Recipes

My roommate wants to lose weight (he eats out all the time), and I'm poor, and thus eat lots of Pasta-Roni. So, we went to the store and he bought a bunch of groceries (that I chose), and I will be our cook. So this project is to go two weeks, cooking all my meals, without repeating the same dish, or resorting to boxed dinners out of poverty. Tonight's dish has already been consumed, so I don't have a picture to show you. :( It was delicious though (if I do say so myself). Baked salmon, homemade mashed potatoes, and fresh green beans. Omnomnom. I will try and provide pictures for other meals though, and maybe share recipes, if anyone shows interest.

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